4 yrs and 3months after the last post and im feeling the same as how i felt. with the same person, by the same person. for the same person.

i myself couldn't understand how i can be so heartless. i love you so much but why did i hurt you? i fully know its wrong, which is why i didn't bring myself to do the worst. but it doesnt matter now whether i did the worst or not. you chose to leave. i've been trying over and over again to make you stay. because you did give me a chance after you found out. only to take it away 6 weeks later because you cant forget. i thought we are working on it? to make you forget and to help you heal. why did you give up so fast? i thought the chance was because i really meant something to you and we were working on how i am supposed to change for the better. do you rmb you asked me to get tested? i did that, havent i? why do you have to give up on me so easily?

it really is as painful as how i lost my mother. to love someone so much and never get to see that person anymore. to lose someone who means everything to you. why did it have to happen twice? i was a rude mummy's boy. and now i didnt treasure the love of my life. in 2011, i wished the crazy hoax about the world ending in 2012 was true. now i just wish my life ends early. im losing the purpose of living. im just too scared to take my own life away.

facing my worst fear. loneliness.