i know this blog is pretty much public but im hoping not many still reads this.
i could have made it a private blog, but it really defeats purpose of having a blog online.
its been a slow and painful year ever since mum passed away.
a year that i dont think anyone can imagine what ive been going through.
not even my other family members.
each of us has our own difficulties trying to cope with the new way of life.
i admit, i am very much dependent on her.
so it has been really hard for me to learn how to survive.
both brother and sister now have their own family. there's only so much that i can depend on them.
i am grateful that both of them finally has their own roof.
while im permanently staying in punggol with my brother, my sister still invites me for stayover at her place.
while my siblings have been helpful, my father is a disappointment.
yes, i understand he too was very much dependent on my late mum, but all of us are trying to cope here and he isnt showing any signs on learning to survive.
in fact, he sometimes makes it difficult for the three of us.
firstly, he no longer has utilities and bill to pay for other than his mobile and his petrol.
work is very far for him. i know that punggol is far from bukit batok, his workplace.
but he is always complaining not having the money, sometimes even when his pay was just a few days back.
really makes you wonder, doesnt it?
fyi, he doesnt provide me with pocket money. neither does he provides my daily meals.
secondly, he complains of no money, but picked up the habit of smoking. again.
he was a heavy smoker until about 2009 when he had this lung problem and was advised by doctor to stop with medications.
so, thats 3 years was a complete waste and im having a hard time adapting back to living in a smoky and smelly environment.
btw, why do smokers like to smoke in the toilet??!
lastly, the thing that have been bugging me alot recently, he now frequents batam alot.
you must be thinking. a malay uncle visiting batam alot. it has to be for that reason, right?
embarrassingly and disappointingly, yes.
this answers the first problem, doesnt it?
i really dont know how i should react on this.
i really wished and hoped this will not happen, but at the same time, i was told he has the right to find a new accompaniment.
but i really dont understand the location of finding one.
and i very well know who is behind all this. A JERK.
we got to know of this from my cousin, whom my father showed her photo.
he is still keeping this from the three of us, but somehow already knows that we know.
i really fear of my fate for the time to come.
this is not an excuse, but all these did have an effect on my studies for the past year.
the first sem was disastrous. i really shouldnt have taken a 6th module just cos it is recommended.
lots of days of waking up late, and im not proud of that.
2nd sem was better, but not good enough.
mum, i really wish you're still here.
i miss those times when i can go to you for advises.
i miss your cooking. i dont like waking up, thinking of what i will have for my 3 meals.
i miss driving you around. to relatives houses. to shop for our stuffs. to weddings.
i really really miss you alot
everyday i imagined what if youre still alive and keeping me company at punggol.
i am very lonely here.
brother and family is currently staying with in-laws to take care of baby shahid.
father is just as good as nowhere around.
yes i still do have my friends, cousins, aunties and uncles
but its not the same as having you around. someone who i can talk to at home.
i really envy people my age or older with their mums still around.
and it makes me real mad if they are not appreciating her, thinking we should just trade lives.
now that most of my same-aged friends have graduated, seeing their commencement photos really made me feel jealous.
ive always imagined myself in the gown, holding a scroll and taking photos with my mum.
that will not happen anymore.
and i cant imagine my father being there now. cos he doesnt show his concerns towards my studies, or anything about me as a matter of fact. and i think he doesnt know that im already 2 months in my holiday.
ok. have lost the feel to write more.
just wanna say, im really grateful towards bibik lamah and family for providing me shelter and food for about 2 months in between of moving out of bukit batok and moving into punggol.
and to hongyu and cindy, sometimes i feel like i should talk to you bout my problems but just didnt have the courage to embarrass myself in front of you.
to those who read till here, thank you so much for your concern about me. or to still stalk me. im glad im still on someone else's mind, hopefully for a good reason.
this is aidil ranting to you, live from punggol.
i could have made it a private blog, but it really defeats purpose of having a blog online.
its been a slow and painful year ever since mum passed away.
a year that i dont think anyone can imagine what ive been going through.
not even my other family members.
each of us has our own difficulties trying to cope with the new way of life.
i admit, i am very much dependent on her.
so it has been really hard for me to learn how to survive.
both brother and sister now have their own family. there's only so much that i can depend on them.
i am grateful that both of them finally has their own roof.
while im permanently staying in punggol with my brother, my sister still invites me for stayover at her place.
while my siblings have been helpful, my father is a disappointment.
yes, i understand he too was very much dependent on my late mum, but all of us are trying to cope here and he isnt showing any signs on learning to survive.
in fact, he sometimes makes it difficult for the three of us.
firstly, he no longer has utilities and bill to pay for other than his mobile and his petrol.
work is very far for him. i know that punggol is far from bukit batok, his workplace.
but he is always complaining not having the money, sometimes even when his pay was just a few days back.
really makes you wonder, doesnt it?
fyi, he doesnt provide me with pocket money. neither does he provides my daily meals.
secondly, he complains of no money, but picked up the habit of smoking. again.
he was a heavy smoker until about 2009 when he had this lung problem and was advised by doctor to stop with medications.
so, thats 3 years was a complete waste and im having a hard time adapting back to living in a smoky and smelly environment.
btw, why do smokers like to smoke in the toilet??!
lastly, the thing that have been bugging me alot recently, he now frequents batam alot.
you must be thinking. a malay uncle visiting batam alot. it has to be for that reason, right?
embarrassingly and disappointingly, yes.
this answers the first problem, doesnt it?
i really dont know how i should react on this.
i really wished and hoped this will not happen, but at the same time, i was told he has the right to find a new accompaniment.
but i really dont understand the location of finding one.
and i very well know who is behind all this. A JERK.
we got to know of this from my cousin, whom my father showed her photo.
he is still keeping this from the three of us, but somehow already knows that we know.
i really fear of my fate for the time to come.
this is not an excuse, but all these did have an effect on my studies for the past year.
the first sem was disastrous. i really shouldnt have taken a 6th module just cos it is recommended.
lots of days of waking up late, and im not proud of that.
2nd sem was better, but not good enough.
mum, i really wish you're still here.
i miss those times when i can go to you for advises.
i miss your cooking. i dont like waking up, thinking of what i will have for my 3 meals.
i miss driving you around. to relatives houses. to shop for our stuffs. to weddings.
i really really miss you alot
everyday i imagined what if youre still alive and keeping me company at punggol.
i am very lonely here.
brother and family is currently staying with in-laws to take care of baby shahid.
father is just as good as nowhere around.
yes i still do have my friends, cousins, aunties and uncles
but its not the same as having you around. someone who i can talk to at home.
i really envy people my age or older with their mums still around.
and it makes me real mad if they are not appreciating her, thinking we should just trade lives.
now that most of my same-aged friends have graduated, seeing their commencement photos really made me feel jealous.
ive always imagined myself in the gown, holding a scroll and taking photos with my mum.
that will not happen anymore.
and i cant imagine my father being there now. cos he doesnt show his concerns towards my studies, or anything about me as a matter of fact. and i think he doesnt know that im already 2 months in my holiday.
ok. have lost the feel to write more.
just wanna say, im really grateful towards bibik lamah and family for providing me shelter and food for about 2 months in between of moving out of bukit batok and moving into punggol.
and to hongyu and cindy, sometimes i feel like i should talk to you bout my problems but just didnt have the courage to embarrass myself in front of you.
to those who read till here, thank you so much for your concern about me. or to still stalk me. im glad im still on someone else's mind, hopefully for a good reason.
this is aidil ranting to you, live from punggol.
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